


How to Not Train Your Dragon

by janonny



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Comedy, Crack Treated Seriously, Dragons, Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:35:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22435759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janonny/pseuds/janonny
Summary: It all starts on the day Tony Stark adopts a dragon.-“What do you mean I can’t have it? It’s a dragon! I need one!”“You don’t need a dragon, Tony.”
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 34
Kudos: 289
Collections: POTS (18+) Stony Stocking 2019





	How to Not Train Your Dragon

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ShippersList](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShippersList/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by [ShippersList](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShippersList/pseuds/ShippersList) in the [stony_stocking_2019](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/stony_stocking_2019) collection. 



> Filling Shipperslist's prompt: _"What do you mean I can't have it? It's a dragon! I need one! Steve? Steve? Rude."_
> 
> Thank you so much to [Coaster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/coaster) for all the speedy beta reading work! 😚 Where would I be without someone to restrain my wild comma usage??

“What do you mean I can’t have it? It’s a dragon! I need one!”

“You don’t _need_ a dragon, Tony.” Steve stared up into the sky. From a quick count, there were about a dozen dragons up there, ranging from ones as small as a large dog to a couple elephant-sized dragons. “And can we park this discussion until after we save New York from all the dragons?”

“I’m taking that as a tentative ‘yes’,” Tony said, nanites pouring out from beneath his jacket to form his armor. 

Steve sighed. “Tony, no.”

“Tony, yes!” Tony said, leaning over to brush a kiss against Steve’s cheek before the nanites formed the Iron Man helmet over his face. 

Unfortunately, Steve hadn’t accepted Tony’s offer to make his uniform out of nanites too, so he was stuck wearing the clothes he had on for their date. Fortunately, he had brought his shield along anyway, as he always did. He lifted it out of its case and held it at the ready. 

“Don’t get attached. We might have to use lethal force to take them down,” Steve pointed out. Already, one of the larger dragons had spouted fire in the direction of another dragon. The only positive was that the dragons seemed to be flying erratically, not really coordinating any attack on the people on the ground or in the buildings. 

Tony asked through their team channel, “Has anyone reached the wizard yet?”

F.R.I.D.A.Y. responded, “I’ve left a messa—”

“I heard you need my help again, Stark.” And there was Doctor Strange, his upper body pushing out from within a spinning gold circle slicing through time and space. 

“Arrogant asshole always choosing a late grand entrance,” Tony muttered into his communicator. 

Clint said over the comms, “Woah, _Tony_ is calling someone arrogant. That’s amazing.”

Then Doctor Strange looked up into the sky and said with a fair amount of nonchalance, “Oh dear. I guess we’ll have to sort that out.”

Turned out the dragons weren’t interested in attacking New York. They were just lost. Dragons were migratory creatures, but apparently, that meant that they migrated from dimension to dimension. They were able to fly through dimensions, but sometimes, they got a little lost. 

“Can you ask if anyone of them wants to stay? I could build them a really nice big house that backs up against an entire forest, if that’s what they like,” Tony offered hopefully as they all stared across the crammed parking lot that they had directed the dragons to land on.

Doctor Strange sighed. “You can’t own a dragon, Stark. The dragon chooses where they go and where they stay. Isn’t it obvious from the fact that they can _travel through dimensions._ You couldn’t make them stay even if you wanted to own one.”

Rolling his eyes, Tony put his right hand on his hip, body still encased in his armor. “I don’t want to _make_ them stay. I’m asking if anyone of them _wants_ to stay. There’s a difference.”

“Tony, no,” Steve said with a sigh. 

“Tony, yes,” Tony muttered, disgruntled. 

So it was with sad, longing eyes that Tony watched the dragons open up a portal in the middle of the carpark and trooped through. It was almost enough for Steve to try to negotiate for them to keep a dragon after all. He was always much too weak against Tony’s sad, dark eyes. But when he turned to Doctor Strange, he was pinned with a hard stare and a slight head-shake. So, that was a ‘no’ even before Steve asked his question, which did rather save time. 

Tony was thoroughly dejected by the time they got back to the tower. He seemed to have really been fascinated by the dragons, even getting close enough to touch one of the smaller ones, eyes widening and mouth falling open in an expressive O when he laid hands on their scales. Steve had been tense and stiff the entire time, because even a small dragon could sink sharp teeth or breathe fire onto people. But Tony had walked away with no injuries, only looking dazed and even more enraptured over dragons. 

So Tony dragged his feet all the way to the penthouse suite and flopped onto the couch, sighing loud enough for Steve to hear from the kitchen. 

Which was when Tony found the dragon under his couch. 

# # #

She was a small dragon, smaller than the smallest one that they had seen flying around outside. Maybe she had hidden right from the start, because Steve never saw her, not until the moment he heard Tony gasp and he had come running out of the kitchen to see Tony with a dragon the size of a large cat curled up in his arms. 

“Tony, yes,” was all Tony said, a stubborn set to his jaw. 

Steve had tried to appeal to Doctor Strange, but after turning up through another one of his portals, he had taken one look at the dragon and declared, “She says she wants to stay here.”

And that was that. 

# # #

Apparently dragons didn’t have names, not the way humans did, but Tony still maintained they had to call her something, so he settled for Amber. It was probably the most sensible name that Tony had ever come up with in his whole life. Steve was almost disturbed by that. 

Amber was covered in deep gold scales, with claws in a dark bronze shade and two streaks of brilliant royal blue against her cheeks. It made her look like she had somehow dipped into Steve’s paint supplies to color her cheeks. 

By the end of the month, Amber had her own suite to stay in. Doctor Strange had helped as the Official Dragon Habitat Consultant, named by Tony as a more important role than Sorcerer Supreme Cheese Pizza or whatever. It was at that point that Doctor Strange had declared he never wanted to hear from Tony again unless the world was ending. 

“Isn’t she amazing?” Tony said, which was probably the hundredth time he had said that about Amber at this point. She preened under his attention. 

As far as Steve could tell, all she had done was curl her long neck back and gnaw at the tip of her tail. 

Okay, it was pretty amazing to have a real dragon hanging around the Avengers tower, to see her fly through the air and snap her wings out to slow her descent, landing with care on Tony’s shoulder. 

But Steve wasn’t as enamored with her as Tony obviously was. For one thing, Amber wasn’t actually a pet dog or pet cat. She wasn’t trainable, she didn’t listen to orders and they had no idea what normal behavior was for her. Doctor Strange had been serious when he had said he didn’t want to hear from them again, so their resident expert was of no help either. 

Last week, they had discovered all their socks, pens and cufflinks missing. Every single one of those items from every locked room had gone entirely missing, only to turn up in a huge pile in Amber’s nest in her own suite. At least the stories about dragons and their hoard was right. They hadn’t been able to get any of those items back either and they hadn’t discovered a way yet to buy new socks, pens or cufflinks without them going missing within a day. 

For reasons no one could understand, she had also blown little sparks of flame on the walls in the shape of rings. It hadn’t been enough to actually set the walls on fire, but there were ring-shaped scorched marks all around the Avengers tower now. Tony had called it “modern wallpapering” and insisted it would be a new hit in the world of home decor. 

So, they had a fairly destructive kleptomaniac of a creature from another dimension living in the Avengers tower, they had no idea what was normal for it and everyone seemed to be going with the flow without an issue. 

Everyone except for Steve. 

He watched as Amber suddenly leapt up into the air and breathed out a small fireball into the air. The attack didn’t seem directed at anything as she dove through her own fire and then flew around the room. Rather than be concerned that Amber was randomly spouting fire in the common room, Tony and Clint both clapped. 

Thor announced, “That was an impressive fireball. With time, she could even join us in battle.”

“Amber is not going anywhere near any battle,” Tony said firmly. “She’s too small. What if someone harmed her?”

Yes, that was the real concern here, that someone could harm a fire-breathing dragon with scales so tough that Clint’s arrows had bounced right off her when she had unexpectedly turned up in the training room. 

Amber flew back to Tony’s shoulder and settled down, curling around his neck. When Steve brought over a drink for Tony, she flared her neck frills and her wings, hissing at him. 

“Sorry, Caplet, I don’t know why she hasn’t warmed up to you yet. If you set the drink on the table, I’ll get it myself,” Tony said apologetically. 

Steve gritted his teeth and stepped away to put the drink down on the coffee table. He caught Nat’s sympathetic gaze and decided he needed some time with a punching bag. Purely for training’s sake. 

# # #

Alright, so Steve’s unease wasn’t just because Amber was a potentially dangerous unknown creature from a different dimension. It was because ever since Amber arrived, Steve hadn’t been able to get close to Tony. Hell, he suspected he wouldn’t even get to share a bed with Tony if Steve hadn’t put his foot down and insisted Amber slept in her own room when Tony had tried to sneak her into the bedroom. 

He couldn’t deny that Tony was pretty cute around Amber. She was often found perched on Tony’s shoulder or curled in Tony’s lap while Tony stroked her scales and ridges with a fond smile. Tony seemed to be endlessly enthusiastic about his ‘experiments’ on what she was willing to eat and was able to digest. So far, the list of things included any vegetables, any meat, a chair leg, the remote control, a glass tumbler along with the whiskey that was in it, an unopened can of tomato soup including its contents, various screws and a light fixture. They hadn’t yet found something she wasn’t actually willing to eat, although at least she did refrain from eating something if Tony told her not to. 

Tony had told him before that he always wanted a dog or a cat, but since he was off to boarding school at a pretty young age, his dad hadn’t seen the point to getting one. And he had been too unreliable as a young adult to get a pet; even he had recognized that back then. 

It was why Tony seemed to be pouring out all his previously unrealized pet-owning-urges on a near indestructible dragon. And to be fair, she did seem like the perfect companion for Tony. She could hang out in his workshop without any fear of being injured by his machines or work. Steve had watched as DUM-E ran over her tail and all she had done was chase after DUM-E. She had seemed to take it as a game and the ridges on her tail were clearly uninjured. 

So Amber was around Tony for most of the day, which meant that since she didn’t seem to like Steve, he couldn’t be near Tony for most of the day. 

Steve watched as Amber ambled up to Tony on his workbench and laid her head on his forearm. Without looking away from the holograms in front of him, Tony rubbed behind the back of Amber’s neck frills. Steve could have sworn her golden eyes slid towards him and slit with smug satisfaction. 

He wasn’t jealous of a mini dragon. He really wasn’t. Just because Tony cuddled Amber and stroked her and proclaimed her amazing awesomeness every five minutes didn’t mean that Steve was jealous of her. 

Although, Steve did note that Tony hadn’t declared Steve or his ass or his biceps as amazing ever since Amber arrived. And the cheek-kisses he received from Tony during the day had been reduced by half with Amber hissing every time they were in close proximity outside the bedroom, where she had been banned from. 

But no. He wasn’t jealous of Amber. 

He just missed Tony. That was all. 

And he wouldn’t say anything because he couldn’t begrudge Tony the experience of having a dragon for a pet. 

So Steve bit his tongue and hoped that things would change for the better with time. 

# # #

“What happened?” Steve demanded, jogging up to the police barricade. 

Nat’s lips were set in a grim line. “According to witnesses, Tony walked into the cafe and the person walking behind him grabbed someone else in the cafe as a hostage. He made Tony hand over his nanite container before taking Tony hostage instead.”

“So, not a random attack; he was targeting Tony. Do we know who the attacker is and what he wants?” Steve asked with a frown, thinking that after this, Tony was definitely going to embed the nanite container under his skin to ensure something like that couldn’t happen again.

“According to F.R.I.D.A.Y., he’s an ex-employee from Viastone. He seems to be saying that his product line’s failure to capture the market is the fault of Stark International releasing a similar product earlier than he did, so he wants Tony to pay for it,” Nat said, sounding long-suffering. 

Great, yet another one of those unhinged people who were blaming Tony for some obscure reason.

Before Steve could ask if they had developed a plan yet, the attacker was edging out of the cafe with Tony held right in front of him, a knife right to Tony’s throat. Steve froze at the sight. That blade was resting against Tony’s carotid artery. The wrong move, and Tony could bleed out even before the ambulance arrived. 

The attacker was short, with dark brown hair and wild eyes. He was smart enough to keep his body almost entirely hidden behind Tony, not providing any line of sight for any attacks from the front. He kept his back to the wall of the cafe, preventing any sneak attacks. 

“I want him to pay,” screamed the man, voice wobbling with fury and emotion. “This is all his fault, and I want the world to see it.”

Tony met Steve’s gaze and rolled his eyes, like he was so over this. Steve wanted to at once kiss Tony and shake him. Tony’s cavalier attitude towards his own safety and inability to take threats against his life seriously would drive Steve completely crazy one day. 

“We have to do something,” Steve said, tensing up, gripping his shield tighter. The attacker could lose it at any point and cut Tony’s throat. They couldn’t just wait around for that to happen.

He was about to ask for Clint to try to find a shot from a higher vantage point when he saw the cafe wall beside the attacker start to shimmer. Then a small golden ring seemed to boil into existence on the bricks and Steve was certain he was looking through the circle into the Avengers’ common room. Amber darted out of the little portal and with lightning speed, her long neck snaked around the attacker’s shoulder and her jaws clamped down hard on the man’s fingers, wrenching them away from Tony’s neck. 

Tony had measured the strength of her bite before and his conclusion had been, “Don’t be bitten by her.”

The man shrieked and Tony took the opportunity to elbow him in the ribs while ducking out of his hold. Amber was still clamped so hard around the man’s hand that he couldn’t even let go of the knife. The man instinctively tried to swing at the dragon. 

But Steve’s shield was already slicing through the air and it slammed into the attacker’s shoulder with enough force to send him toppling over. He was out for the count by the time he hit the ground. 

Amber finally released her grip on the man’s hand and flapped up to Tony, who welcomed her with open arms. She nuzzled into Tony’s embrace, sniffing him over and rubbing her neck frills against Tony’s cheek as if to confirm he was alright. Steve had no memory of moving, but he was suddenly standing right beside them too, patting Tony down urgently for any injury. 

He had forgotten about Amber’s animosity towards him, but when he remembered, he looked down to see that she was watching him calmly, no hissing or snarling present. 

“Will you look at that,” Tony said, looking between the two of them with a fond smile. 

Steve pulled Tony into a hug, pushing his luck and willing to accept a bite from Amber if it meant he got to hold Tony in this moment. “You’re okay,” Steve said, more to reassure himself than Tony. 

“I’m fine, sweetheart,” Tony murmured. “Thanks to the two of you.”

Steve breathed in Tony’s scent behind his ear and kissed his forehead, letting himself finally relax. He felt a cool touch against his own neck, a gentle rub of scales against skin, before Tony turned and pressed a kiss against his cheek. 

They were all okay. 

# # #

An accord seemed to have been reached after that and Amber suddenly warmed up to him significantly. Steve found himself with a running buddy, Amber flying after him as he jogged around the city. He could sit beside Tony again on the couch, his fingers tangling with Tony’s as they stroked Amber’s belly, round from whatever hideous thing she had eaten that day. 

Turned out, it wasn’t so bad having a dragon around after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, Shipperslist! Thanks for the great prompt!
> 
> Thanks all who read this! If you liked it, you can reblog it [here](https://awesomelifechoices.tumblr.com/post/190662271433/fic-how-to-not-train-your-dragon)!


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